I think its official that I am a horrible blogger. Its been almost a year since I've written anything and I'm sure the 3 people that might have checked in on our blog have all given up on me.. But alas, I know I must repent of my slack blogging ways and write something. So much has happened I don't know where to begin... I'll start somewhere...
I guess the most life changing thing that has happened in the past year is that BJ and I are pregnant. Well, really I'm the one thats pregnant. It's been an interesting roller coaster to say the least. In the beginning I went through all the lovely little (and sometimes large) symptoms that most doctors (and those who have been pregnant) tell you will happen; all things ranging from feeling constant nausea and fatigue to forgetting how to back a car out of the driveway with the garage door being up rather than down. In case you didn't already know, you should probably make sure the garage door is up before you back your car out. I learned the hard way and felt like an idiot. Ask BJ how he reacted to that one since he had a front row seat.
We've had quite a few doctors appointments and have had about 3 sonograms thus far. We've decided to be strong and surprised and not find out the sex of the baby. It's funny to see peoples reactions when we tell them that we're not finding out because it really goes one of two ways. We either get the wide eyed, head shaking in disapproval, "Wow, your crazy!" reaction or the thumbs up, high fivin', "Good for you. Your doing it the right way!" response. I really could care less what people think because its our decision and I think it will only add to the wonderful day of surprises that is to be had. :) Secretly we're hoping for a girl and I think there's a good chance it is but I've been wrong in my life before so who knows. We will love the baby and be so happy regardless, boy or girl.
If there was one thing I could and will complain about until the end of my pregnancy it will be the weight gain.. Many have tried to 'comfort me' and convince me that the more weight gain, the better but I"m just not buying it and can't wrap my head around it. If you don't know much about me you would probably see what I just wrote and be like, "oh Jenn's just one of those silly, vain girls who worries so much about her looks/weight and if she gains a pound she freaks out." Partially you would be right. I do freak out if I gain 3-5 pounds when I check the scale but not for a reasons that you might associate.
After I was about the age of 9 or 10 I was always chubby. From chubby I progressed to overweight to obese to finally morbidly obese. When I was a freshmen in high school (9th grade) I had reached over 200 pounds and was maybe 5'5"-6". From there I just grew and by the time I started college I weighed well over 240 pounds. In college though I happened to lose more than 100 pounds over about 2 years through changing my life completely with diet and exercise (I could write a whole book on the subject and my experience but I'll save you the time in reading b/c this already getting to be long). From that point on I vowed to never regain the weight and until I got pregnant, I can proudly say that I have kept off the weight for over 5 years. Ironically though I've been paranoid of gaining it ever since I first reached my goal. I can honestly remember having nightmares where I would wake up in the middle of the night in a panic because I had dreamt the scale read 160 pounds.. I know.. a little psycho... But in my defense when you've worked so hard for something, its tough to see it all "go away" in a sense without really trying to sabotage yourself, even if it is just a dream. Now, not that pregnancy is sabotage but its just mentally so difficult for me to view weight gain in the way I maybe should. I'm now almost 25 weeks along and I've gained about 25 pounds... not horrible I know, but for me, I wanted to gain 25-35 pounds total when I went in to have the bady. If the 3rd trimester is anything like what I think its going to be like with a 1-2 pounds a week gain, I'm screwed with that goal.
With that said, and I know it sounds as if I'm just a whiner and complainer and being pregnant is the worst thing thats ever happened to me. Not to worry and so not the case. I'm so happy and I am reminded everyday how happy and excited I am be to be a mother. I feel as if I have moments when I am blessed to have a glimpse into what it will be like to be a mother and the strongest emotion is not disappointment in that I didn't reach my weight goal (or any other goal for that matter) but that I am so happy and proud to be a mother. I truly am thankful to know that my Heavenly Father loves and trusts me and BJ enough to take care of one of His children. It is an honor and blessing I don't take lightly. But, I still hate gaining weight and not fitting into my clothes..:) Oh well though.. only 4 more months right?
Anyway, I can see I've written enough for today. There will be more updating to come in the future.. the near future that is... not a year from now :)
